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It wasn't that I was angry. This was just too bizarre to comprehend. What kind of questions do you ask when he tells you this kind of yarn?"I also had to pretend to stay drunk for a while in jail because I wanted to know how vulnerable a street drunk is in a cell with real bad guys."Now I was angry. "Do you have any idea what could have happened to you in there?" No. That's why I had to do it. I'm writing a story."Idiot.Those are the kinds of crazy shenanigans I have to put up with.He was not content to have me suffer from his pranks. He brought my family in as well.We were going to a birthday party for my sister at my folks' house. He excused himself to run into the house before we left to make a quick trip to the bathroom. When we got there my father came charging out with my mother and brother close behind."You're staying with us," he bellowed. "I'm not going to let you spend another day with that bastard until he gets help." The rest of the family was shouting similar. Meanwhile, two guys who looked like Dumb and Dumber checked the crowd out, then peeled off to bother Pammie and Tonto. There were three other couples in the place, but Pammie was the sweetest so naturally she attracted the ugly flies. The tall skinny goofus, who carried a baseball bat, took a lookout position in the center of the room where he could watch the front door, but didn’t. Instead he was fascinated by the antics of Dumb and Dumber in the “Pammie” zone.I never go anywhere without “my little friend,” a compact Glock 29 holstered in the small of my back. I could have dropped them all with that but then there would have been noise and blood and paperwork and nobody needed that with their pizza sauce.Tonight I also had my shoulder rig with a big fucking Glock 20 long pipe (both are 10 mm) on one side, and two spare mags (one extended) plus a silencer and a few special purpose bullets (blanks, frags, and shot) on the other side. I figured, when a Federal Judge is in the mood to.
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